Dear Judah
November 29, 2010 Dear Judah, Your heart was supposed to start beating today or tomorrow, according to my maternity nursing textbook, but instead, I spent the day grieving the end of your incredibly short life. I don’t know how to express the feelings within me. When I began to suspect your existence just a few days ago, my heart swelled with new emotions. I felt this strange new mix of excitement, fear, joy, trepidation, and mostly love. Perhaps it was the love that surprised me the most. How could I love with such fierceness someone I had never met? How could I have such a depth of affection for someone whose face I had never seen—someone who didn’t yet even have a face? When I looked at the line on the pregnancy test, I was amazed. Suddenly, merely in looking at that positive result, I had taken on a new identity. I was a mother. You gave me a new title, and with that title, a new, sacred responsibility. And although it was not a title or responsibility that...